we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
