So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
