i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
