the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
