His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
