what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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