grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
