I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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