Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
