Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
