I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
