There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
