I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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