Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
