dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
