Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Randomize
