She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
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Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
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Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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