Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
