Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
