He passed out mid-signature
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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