Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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