Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
