so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
