I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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