I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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