I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
