you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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