btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
