I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
