im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Randomize
