Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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