So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
