she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
50% drunk capacity currently
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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