My nipple is on Facebook.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Everyone says I win the strip club
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
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