And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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