so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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