I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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