he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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