Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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