I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
