Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
