I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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