Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
