dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
