I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
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He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
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She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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