so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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