i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
