people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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