thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
