You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
