Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
