I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
