My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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