just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I didn't notice because vodka
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
