you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
