I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
