i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
