i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
