I'm pants shitting drunk right now
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
