I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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