Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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