Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
