Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
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The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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