I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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