Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
