She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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