see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
