just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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