The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
