I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
