I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
