Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
