We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
