i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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