I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Come see our sink grown plant.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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