no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
