I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
