You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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