I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
