I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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