bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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