worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize