What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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