WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
